Dominant Thoughts

Life always expresses the result of our dominant thoughts.
-Soren Kierkegaard 

What do you spend your days dreaming about?  What takes up your thinking space as you sit in meetings?  As you drive to work?  As you go through the mundane moments of life?  What are you spending most of your time thinking about?

In college, I took a philosophy course and I remember the teaching assistant's distinct accent being punctuated with an exclamation point every time he said "Kierkegaard!" The late night class captivated me with new ways of perceiving the world.  Walking back from class in the dark cold nights to my dorm room, I would look up at the sky with big dreams of floating through life from one experience to the next.  

Finding myself caught in the rain one night, instead of rushing to shelter, I let each drop of water saturate my hair to a frizzled wet clumpy mess.  Feeling proud, I fought the urge to conform to the other students who were sprinting for cover.  Non conformity can be subtle even as I splashed boldly through puddles leaning into each water grenade the sky dropped on campus.  

I fantasize about what it would be like had I been bolder with my actions and not just my thoughts.  But I've conformed in ways that are safe: graduate college, get a job, get married, be happy, get a dog, talk about starting a family...  And I'm not sure if that's what I really want.  I mean I like a lot of those things- like a lot. But there's a cooke-cutter feeling that makes me gag when I let myself feel it.  What if a woman decides mid-way through that she doesn't want to conform to the idillic concepts that little girls learn from playing Barbies and pick up from popular culture?

Has anyone ever been fearless enough to really align their bold thoughts with bold actions? I think a lot about what's next but my life doesn't actually represent what's next.  It's just kind of safe. I mean, hanging out in the rain in college is actually socially bold for me.

It's pretty clear: God gave me fear to keep me grounded. So at this point, I know I need some nudging to take more action.

How are your thoughts and actions lining up?  Does your life look like the result of your dominant thoughts?


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