Love Thyself

Is it human nature to want what you don’t have?  When I was a kid I desperately wanted long locks of blond flowing hair.  My hair is brown…and short.  And I used to have uneven bangs thanks to my mom’s bang-cutting guide: masking tape. 

In an effort to obtain curls, the Pepto-Bismol pink curlers that clicked into place around their deteriorating foam inside were sometimes part of my bedtime routine.  After my shower, I would pull the box of them out from under the bathroom sink and begin to twirl each curler around as much of a chunk of my short damp hair as would fit.   Then I would go to bed with bubbling excitement knowing that I would wake up in the morning to curly model-esque hair.  Foam rollers at their best.  The result looked strange. And it wasn’t me.  Wiry kinks of hair poked out of the curls giving my locks a stronger semblance to barbed wire, not a magazine worthy hair job.  The amount of hairspray I used to tame the non-conformist fly-aways also provided my hair with  a noticeable unnatural clumpy shine. 

Besides curls there are other things that I want(ed) too.  I’ve always wanted an older sister, a home in Florida, a Hispanic complexion, a green thumb, the ability to track and retain details, a deep knowledge of art history, a childhood that included more friends, a louder voice, cuticles that look effortlessly perfect, and a nose that doesn’t create giant sweat beads when I eat spicy, sour or tart foods. 

But no amount of wishing will change any of those things. Wanting what I don’t have is a hopeless depressing endeavor.  So I’ve decided to know thyself and love thyself. 

Each day I look at myself in the mirror and whisper sweet loving words to the tired-eyed confused woman staring back at me.  She’s not used to this kind of positive attention.  Like an athlete starting to train for a race, the starting feels uncomfortable.  But slowly, with each day, the body starts to relax into the new rhythm.  Fighting human nature to want what you don’t have is difficult but I’m practicing a little positivity today and wishing myself different a little less. 


Post a Comment