Fragile Bird

She took a deep breath as she changed her gaze from casual conversation eye contact to dont-look-away-this-person-is trying-to-say-something-meaninful eye contact.  I tend to feel shy when people look at me with that intensity.  It's as if my soul suddenly becomes visible and available.

She spoke.  "I used to think I was strong enough to overcome anything… But now one little thing can throw me off.  Too much sugar… not enough exercise… not enough time with God…"

I'm grateful to have some wise honest women in my life.

I have been able to handle things that life has thrown at me by believing that can solve any problem. I may not be the quickest but I, Hanna Lynnette, can take on anything that comes my way.  But I'm not so sure I believe that anymore.

There are some things that can't be solved.
Some things that need to be walked away from.
And some things that shouldn't be solved by me.

Those sentences make me feel a little uncomfortable.  Like a piece of me is gone and I need to learn how to be whole with a chunk missing from my side.  That's how growth can happen though, a chunk drops off like a melting glacier and in the empty space new room is available.  Vacancy.  Relief in the form of one of the things I clung to leaving to make room for whatever else is next. In my quiet shy time, I'm able to get in touch with the tender empty space and realize, with incredible potency, that I'm not tough in the ways I thought I was. And even more poignantly…I realize that being tough in the ways I thought I needed to be isn't important at all.

Becoming aware of your fragile form is scary.

It isn't until recently that I've been able to embrace my fragility. There's freedom in that. When you realize how fragile your body and soul are, you start making choices that fill them with goodness.  You know, you fill yourself with the things that make your soul leap for quiet joy and your body light up with health.  I'm a fragile bird and I'm choosing to fill my empty space with relationships and thoughts and things that I love.

I, Hanna Lynnette, can take on almost anything that comes my way.


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