Enter: new season.

Each time she pushed the thin gray layer of bangs back from her forehead, I was sure they were going to fall back in an asymmetrical lump above her eyes. But they didn't. They sprang gently back to resting on her forehead in perfect spacing. And then I wondered how much younger she would look if she dyed her hair back to the way it was when she was 36. I never knew her when she was 36- I just met her a week ago- but still. Despite my give-her-a-makeover thoughts, I liked her.

The last Realtor we used was a real life version of 'my cousin Vinny' - but it was just apartment shopping. Each time we walked into another almost clean, shove the junk into the closet apartment, he always commented on the microwave. Always. if the apartment was okay but no microwave, we quickly learned that it wasn't a good apartment. No microwave, no apartment.

But our agent with gray bangs is better for us. She looks at more things like signs of water damage or foundation cracks. She has never once mentioned a microwave. I'm comfortable with her. I'm glad we found a Realtor who we're comfortable with. It's not everyday you decide to enter a new season of life and having a good realtor is - good.

I can't help but daydream: am I ready for this season? I am I really ready to give up my one winner takes all card that I hold close to my chest that reads: "I don't like it here anymore, I'll just leave." I keep that card deep within me and call it out only when no one is looking. Getting a house means rooting myself here. Rooting here means burning my little mind card that offers me a run-away security option.

Maybe that's growing up. Maybe throwing away the, "I'll just go to the next thing if I don't like it" card is what it's like to be a real adult. The kind of adult where you just live by the adult rules, like you only like wine to drink and love the couples small group, which also serves as a social dinner club. And you want to be a mother. And you stop talking about things like changing the world and start talking about things like coordinating schedules.

So this is me, entering a new season, hoping that I can keep being me.




1 comments:

Anonymous | February 14, 2011 at 7:24 PM

:)

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