Your Reality

Your Reality

Do you ever stop for a minute and realize that you're living in another person's reality?

You might be physically present but when you pause and look around, you feel more like an observer, an extra on a movie set, a stranger in this place.

You probably wear the right clothes, say the right jargon, and pretend to have passion about the same things but you still feel phony. You still feel like you're forcing assimilation.

What do you do in those moments?  Do you push the 'who I really am' aside for a while and then when you're alone find your true reality?

I push the 'who I am' aside more than I admit. Some days my reality looks mundane and I'm bored in it.  There are times that I feel useless.  Not in a depressive kind of way, but in a way that pulls my thoughts to believe there's so much more I have to give. And I'm left with a feeling of not giving enough but not knowing where to give more.  Do you ever have that thought?  What do you do with it?  

What does your reality look like?  Have you claimed it?

Today- my reality is simple.  Here's the cliff note version:

• Wake up.
• Drink coffee.
• Feel guilty for drinking coffee. (Thanks to my first cavity, coffee now falls into the 'Guilty Pleasure" bucket of life. Too bad.)
• Go to Target.  Fight back tears and deep thoughts at target.  It's not the place to go crazy.
• Find card for Brandon. (See below) 
• Laugh my way through the 15% off clearance sections.
• Look down at card. Laugh some more.
• Call my brother who would rather be estranged from our family.
• Learn he's in Chicago.  Beg him to visit.  He doesn't want to.
• I cry, sort of.
• I think of the card I got Brandon but I've already used up all the laughs I'll get from it.
• Get home from Target.
• Clean up skunk blood puddles from under our grill.  (This probably deserves it's own blog post.)
• Talk with neighbor for over an hour and get run down of how he hunted the skunk that was living in our yard.
• Use up the $50 worth of smell-good-fabreeze-candle-plug-in-glade-like products that I purchased from Target to rid our house of mothball smell. (Mothballs are connected to skunk story.)
• Fact: I would prefer the smell of skunk over mothballs. 
• Water flowers.
• Mow grass.
• Think some more.
• Wonder about the reality I'm actually creating and wonder how to take the next step. 

Bless you if you made it to the end of this post.