Berry Hard

Some days you choose the color, other days the color chooses you.  Last night the color chose me- the blood red polish had a depth I couldn't resist.  When I squinted to read the catchy play on words written in spec-sized font, Berry Hard, I knew it was a match made in heaven.  The shiny lacquer covered my nails and my soul leaped with joy as I pictured ten tiny faces on my fingers smiling at me: well done. 

Like the new found color of my nails, today felt berry hard.  I've been thinking more about this courage business and the difference between living a life of courage and one of settling.  It's become evident that the difference between those concepts is actually ever so subtle that you may not even know that you're settling when you have a chance to be courageous.  You may not know you're hiding when you could be living a life a little more freer.  

I know you and I are different so I won't pretend to give you easy answers or easy steps to move forward. I will not be trite with advice.  I won't paint a picture made of pastel colors that offers respite from the hard stuff.   

I suggest you clothe your soul in army green (or berry hard) because changing to be courageous is going to take a fight.  It's going to be an internal battle of intentionality and choice on a moment by moment basis to do things differently.  

Maybe you start to choose to engage hard conversations and not shut down.  

Maybe you decide to grow publicly, on camera, doing something that drains you even though it feels full of awkward moments. 

Maybe you are honest about how hard something is and finally ask for help. 

Maybe you realize for the first time in your life that you need, really need, God. 

Maybe you finally get confident enough to show a tiny sliver of your personality to the public world. 

Maybe you take more deep breaths and do less eye rolling.  (Maybe not) 

Maybe you make your blog public. 

Maybe you decide that cooking is okay despite a constant fight to not be a domestic woman. 

Maybe you let your husband do things for you out of love instead of proving to him that you're fiercely independent. 

Maybe you decide good friends are not just for your friend's benefit. 

Maybe you finally admit that you cried when you watched the Notebook and actually somewhat like Papyrus font... and Taylor Swift. 

Maybe you start seeing strength in exposing feelings.

Maybe you expose your feelings and actually tell someone if they hurt you. 

Maybe you learn your story and how it shaped you.  

Maybe you take a risk by telling yourself nice things instead of adding to the ongoing list of 'things to work on'. 

Maybe you stop hiding in your work and find out what you love. 

Maybe you take more walks. 

Maybe you thank God more. 

Whatever your maybes are filled with I hope you know that even when it's scary, and hard, and weird, the courage part is worth it.  It's worth it to find the real you and let the world see the real you... for today at least. 


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