The Rules of Improv

The Rules of Improv

Thanks to a surprise gift from a friend, I’m reading Bossypants by Tina Fey. I hate book reviews so I won’t make you read a play by play about each chapter I complete (I’ll save that for dinner conversation with my husband- he’ll like that!). But still, there is one section in the book that I’d like to note for purposes of this blog post.

Tina (while reading her book, I’m on a first name basis with her) writes about the rules for Improvisation. Here’s a summary of them taken straight from pages 84-85:

1. Agree. Always agree to enter into this kind of relationship and say ‘yes’.
2. Not only agree and say ‘yes’, but YES, AND... You’re supposed to agree and then add something of your own. (Saying yes, and means don’t be afraid to contribute. It’s your responsibility to contribute’
3. Make statements. Speak in statements instead of apologetic questions.
4. There are no mistakes.
   

I’ve been thinking about these rules in the context of relationship and I wonder if what is true for improv is also true for friendships. I ask myself: do I agree to enter into relationship, do I add something to the relationships I’m in, do I make statements instead of always asking questions, am I afraid to make mistakes.

I wonder how this plays out with your close relationships.

There’s something romantic and organic about being in relationship with one another. Something happens when we let someone into our world to see 'the real you' when you let down your guard. If we allow it, relationships can be a powerful force for moving each of us towards a path of growth and light. At least that’s what I think anyway (see rule #4).

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Honestly Looking for Candor

Honestly Looking for Candor

My grandparents are (part) Macedonian so I grew up calling them Baba (Grandma) and Dedo (Grandpa). Sundays were big family dinners where the entire family gathered, ate, and drank. Holidays- especially Christmas- were always full of loud family and lots of presents (which sometimes came from my neon pink lipstick wearing, white hair teasing, always sweating and cussing great aunt who only shopped at garage sales).

One Christmas stands out. It was the first year that Brandon had entered the scene with the family and he sat quietly observing. I opened a box with a sweater (designed for someone decades older than I) neatly folded inside of white tissue paper, held the sweater up, and said something to the effect of: It's okay, but it's not my style. Baba, who had purchased the gift, said, Okay, I'll get you the receipt then you can find something else. Conversation over. No hard feelings.

As Brandon and I recapped the night, he asked about that exchange. He couldn't believe what I had said to my grandmother. I couldn't believe he thought my words were too honest. And that's when I realized that most families don't operate under the premise of that kind of candor.

In our family, my brother and I have always been encouraged to speak directly and honestly. There was not a lot of room for false fluff and if you wanted to really get in trouble with my parents, all you had to do was lie.

Now that I'm an adult and functioning in the real world, I've come to the conclusion that the honesty-candor-directness that was common in my childhood home, is something that not everyone is used to (or comfortable with for that matter). I'm not interested in changing the value of 'saying what you mean' but, over the years I've had to learn how to use softer language and 'cushion' my words.

Actually, I think that a lot of relationships could use a shot of directness to sharpen each other. The relationships I'm looking for are with honest people who speak truth to me, even when the truth puts a spotlight on unsightly personality warts. Growth happens when we're challenged in new ways and I hope that each of us has a few 'challenging' friends along the way. Here's to growing yourself so you can change the world someday.

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Blurred

Blurred

In a mindless incident I put my contacts in the opposite eyes this morning.

In an unaware episode it didn’t occur to me until Brandon called and said that he had accidentally bumped my contacts and he might have put the “R” cap on the “L” contact.

In a moment of clarity I realized that my eyes were wearing the wrong prescription and no amount of squinting, practicing an eye chart, or adjusting the brightness on my computer screen would fix my sight.

In an unlikely teaching moment I realized that one tiny piece of information changed my entire perspective. My solution for my vision was short sighted.

I can tell you this: I see the world through me. I see everything as it relates to my own blurry vision. I wonder where the blind spots are in my relationships…

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a great battle." Philo of Alexandria

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Choose Friends Wisely

Choose Friends Wisely

I believe that at each person’s core we are meant for relationship. Even the people that don’t like people need relationship. Sorry people haters. Despite the fact that forced relationships are work, I have come to realize that life happens with other people.

Although I can sustain through my introverted self, I’m enjoying relationships that draw me out of myself, challenge me, calm me, and cause excessive laughter (the one coping skill I refuse to let go). In the middle of what I think is a difficult time in my life the people around me have picked me up from dark places more times than I realize.

Would I be the same person without these significant relationships in my life? Are we only as good as the people that surround us? If that’s the case, choose friends wisely.

"Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival" -C.S. Lewis

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Life On Life

Life On Life

I'm not sure when it actually happens. I can't identify a point in time where the change took place but I know it's there. I know I'm no longer in the world of childhood where I have the safety of my parents wisdom to protect me and 'be home by sunset' is all I need to remember.

I'm an adult. I feel the pressure of bills, the work clock, the lack of boundaries, the need to get more done in faster times, the commitment to keep a healthy marriage. Sadly, I don't experience this pressure just at work. In the time that I spend volunteering with high school students, it's clear that our culture is placing the pressure to excel, succeed, faster, stronger, fitter on students.

Stop.

Am I really letting myself experience real relationship or am I just filling up my time with 'should be'? Both in the world of the grown-ups and the world of high school students, are we providing opportunities for people to experience life on life? I'm worried that we're moving so fast that our relationships are just skimming the top of who we are and not actually diving into the deep realities that we face.

"The best discipleship happens with life on life, it can't be programed through five-step classes." -Dave Gibbons

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