Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
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Sax-a-ma-phone

In the middle school I went to students had two options: 1. Sing in the choir or 2. Play in the band. I choose band and my thoughts drifted me into dreams of being Kenny G. In that dream, I could play a continuous note on the sax because like, Kenny G, I mastered breathing in through my nose while still playing the instrument. Yeah, that was a skill I wanted.


But I got my grandmother’s dainty hands – with unusually long skinny fingers. They were not big enough to play the sax. So, I got stuck with the typical instrument for a growing-into-her-hips-middle- school-girl: the flute (at least it was bigger than the oboe).


I stunk at it. My teacher was mean, I didn’t do the homework, and unfortunately she wasn’t intimidated by me so she kept making me play in front of the entire band. I stopped exerting effort. It was too hard. I was too embarrassed. I sat last chair in the entire district.


Any student was accepted in the band (hence how I was able to get in). But in some crazy plan to get better, I was actually supposed to exert effort and practice so I could play Hot Cross Buns in 4/4 time. I was supposed to do work to improve.


Is that how the spiritual life works too? God invites anyone into relationship with God but there’s actually some work required for us.


Grace not opposed to effort. Grace is opposed to earning. –Dallas Willard


I’m practicing. I’m working on getting better in really following Jesus. I’m exerting effort knowing that there’s nothing I can do to earn God’s grace.

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Squishy Thin

I've been quiet on this medium for a month but that doesn't mean my head has been empty.

It's been full.

I just spent the past days on a church high school retreat. Although, the description, "church high school retreat" doesn't do what happened this weekend justice. There is something amazing about high school students.

I'm not even talking about the room, which was filled with 1000+ high school students worshiping, or the number of students who declared to follow Jesus, or the students who were courageous enough to pray out loud in a large group. I'm talking about the words that happen in conversations, the little moments where you see a student light up and 'get it', the text messaging update where something finally clicks.

God is big. Bigger. Bigger than I ever think. The winey Hanna that left on Friday came back a squishy emotional rocked by God Hanna on Sunday. I was tissue thin and aching with the ways that God was.... God.
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Passionately Unsure


I should be passionate about something.

Is it hard for me to be passionate because:
a) I'm afraid to commit to the 'wrong' thing
b) I don't know myself well enough yet
c) I just haven't found it

Every person who has done anything significant was passionate about something. What if I'm just average B-student middle ground vanilla Midwest suburb safe somewhat boring do what's right steady Hanna? Average people without passion don't change the world, or anything for that matter.

I listened to Donald Miller give a message at Willow Creek Community Church. I like Donald's style. Candid. Dorky. Aware. Here's what I remember from Donald's message (sorry to Donald for not remembering more):

"God is like a good dad"

I find myself looking to God for the exact answer to the exact problem in the exact way that I want it. I'm not 100% sure I understand all the ways that God works but I'm pretty sure that God doesn't always fit neatly into my prepackaged plans. So like a good dad addressing a tough life lesson question, the answer doesn't come clearly or right away. Whether I'm average or not, I have space to learn and grow through a not-so-average season of change.

Oh, and for anyone curious, I'll go with d) all of the above.


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